After the “I dos” and the honeymoon is over, the main question that many newlyweds face is when to start a home together. If you have secure finances that permit you to live on your own as a couple, then you are extremely lucky. But for the newlyweds who are not as financially sound, one option—although very unappealing, is to move in with your in-laws.
This is by no means a great scenario, but it should not be completely rejected without checking out the benefits first. The main two reasons a newlywed couple should stay with their in-laws is financial hardships and for health reasons. If you cannot afford your own place, staying with your in-laws can help you save up enough money to move into a place you both can truly call home. You both can also take the time to alleviate your debts, especially school loans. Unfortunately, if your parents are struggling with health issues or bills of their own, they could benefit from you staying with them as well. It would be an extra support system through rough times.
Although your parents will be happy to have you stay at home a bit longer, tensions can run high when you feel as if you cannot be treated as an adult. Newlyweds.about.com provides helpful tips for newlyweds who are moving back home. Before you move in with your in-laws, make sure that you “set boundaries.” Setting boundaries with your parents will, hopefully, help them understand what your limits are with what they need to know about the decisions you make as a couple. Just to note, you should not talk about your finances with your parents unless it is really necessary. As a couple, the only opinion that matters when it comes to making hard decisions is yours and your spouse’s.
With this being said, you two should “Find Privacy” to talk, argue, and be intimate. It would be great if you and your in-laws lived on separate floors—maybe that could be worked out while setting boundaries. Privacy will allow you and your husband or wife to spend quality time together. Parents never want to believe that their children have sex, however, when you are married, sex is inevitable. Therefore finding the privacy and timing to be intimate, although may seem lack luster, will at least help you two connect and relieve stress.
Another way to maintain stress levels is by “Stay[ing] out of family arguments” and knowing how to “Pick your battles.” If you are moving in with your in-laws, keep in mind that issues may arise with family members who do not live with you. Because of this, you may feel like you can be a part of the conversation, however, you can risk putting your opinion in places where they should not be, causing friction between you and your in-laws. Speak when spoken too and try to play the devil’s advocate majority of the time. If your spouse is dealing with a problem between their parent and them, speak with your spouse in private and remind them that their situation is only temporary, therefore keep the peace as much as possible.
The one way to alleviate the tension between you and your in-laws is to “ask for help when you need it.” By asking for help, you let parents do their job, which is to guide, give advice, and support when you want it. By doing so, your parents will feel as if you still care about their opinion and above all—need them. This will help in the long run, because if you are able to make them feel like they are an important part of your life, even when you are married, it will make things easier when you are finally ready to move out.
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