It’s 5:30AM. I can’t sleep. I’m shaking.
Three and a half hours ago, I came across a headline about a transgender woman filming a cisgender woman in a Target fitting room. I was horrified. I immediately went to other news sources to find out if it was true, as similar stories have circulated and been debunked as anti-transgender nonsense. But no, this one was real.
I started to feel sick. Conservatives called her a man pretending to be a woman. They were already gleefully proclaiming that this one instance, this one single transgender person, was proof of the evils of transgender people and allowing them to use the restrooms, locker rooms, and fitting rooms that correspond to their gender identity.
I wondered if I should write about the story. Should I just see if it passes? It doesn’t actually validate any of the anti-transgender myths conservatives have been floating around to justify their bigotry, so I might as well just let it pass unless it becomes a huge story.
Then again, maybe I should just address it immediately and establish the facts. One transgender voyeur does not prove that transgender people are a menace to society. Nothing can prove that, because it is not true. Transgender people are the ones that face discrimination, particularly for trying to use the bathroom. And the woman in question wasn’t even in a female fitting room. It was unisex. So it doesn’t reflect whatsoever on laws allowing transgender people to use the facilities corresponding to their gender identity. But even if this had occurred in a female fitting room, it would still only serve as anecdotal evidence to anti-transgender conservatives.
But that is enough for them. I shouldn’t have to clarify any of what I just wrote, but I have no choice. Conservatives are already seizing this one incident as justification for all of their anti-transgender rhetoric, and though it is unlikely that facts can change their hatred, perhaps I can at least inform some people of the truth. Perhaps I can help dispel some of the myths about transgender people, as I have been trying to ever since I came out. Perhaps.
But I’m scared. As a transgender woman, using the bathroom has always been a terrifying prospect for me. I know just how poorly it can go. Oftentimes I just avoid using the bathroom altogether in public places. Even using single-stall female bathrooms is scary for me. I’ve dismissed the idea of using public locker rooms and fitting rooms entirely. Too risky.
During this election cycle, many people have proposed moving to Canada if Donald Trump becomes president, even close friends and family of mine. Some are quite serious. But even without Trump, I’m still scared. When it comes to transgender rights, Trump is nowhere near as bad as most Republicans, but that just speaks to how low the bar has been set.
In the first few months of the year alone, over 200 anti-LGBTQ bills were introduced. And on individual bills alone, there have been over 200 anti-LGBTQ sponsors. This year alone, I’ve seen Ted Cruz as a top contender for president of the United States. I’ve seen North Carolina pass H.B.2, then make it even worse. I’ve seen the Orlando massacre. I’ve seen people erase LGBTQ people from the Orlando massacre, the worst anti-LGBTQ hate crime in U.S. history. I’ve seen Congressional Republicans celebrate the one month anniversary of the Orlando massacre by holding hearings on FADA, an anti-LGBTQ bill that would legalize anti-LGBTQ discrimination on a federal level.
Every day, I witness the country debating my rights; whether I should be able to be legally discriminated against because of gender identity; whether I should be able to use the bathroom; whether my gender identity is even valid. And then I see these arguments on a smaller scale. I see how things go down in my own life. I see people close to me unwilling to defend transgender people. I am put in situations where I am alone in correcting people on pronouns. I am forced to realize that some people I used to trust completely no longer have my back.
For the first time in my life, I have legitimately been considering leaving the United States. It would be so much easier. I could to Canada, a country that has protections for transgender people. I wouldn’t have to worry about being fired, evicted, denied healthcare – denied legal equality – because of my gender identity. Sure, I would probably still face some transphobia, but overall, I would be much safer and calmer. I would no longer have to prepare to be attacked every time I heard the word “transgender” on the news. And I would finally be able to use the bathroom in peace.
But then I think about what’s happening here, in the United States. All of the injustice and bigotry I want to escape. How terrified I am of Republicans supporting and passing anti-LGBTQ legislation. How easily such legislation would be passed under a Republican president. And I think, could I really just leave? After seeing so much injustice, knowing that things could get even worse, is my response really just to run away? To abandon the community that has embraced me, helped me accept who I am? Not everyone has the luxury of being able to pack up and move to Canada.
It’s certainly a nice option. It’s far easier than living in the United States, without a doubt. But things have never been easy for transgender people. I don’t know if they will be in my lifetime. But I refuse to simply give up and turn my back on my own community. I will not be the kind of person that accepts hate as the norm and moves on.
Optimism is scary. I can’t really blame anyone for wanting to just leave if Trump is elected, or if things go wrong in general. But that doesn’t have to happen. There has been so much tragedy this past month, this past year. It can truly feel crushing sometimes. Hopeless. But the responses to these tragedies have been inspiring to me. Minorities and allies have seen nothing change for so long. To some, that may be discouraging. But to me, seeing people continue to fight for their rights despite so much pushback from the oppressors just shows how dedicated we are to equality and justice. We cannot become hardened to these tragedies, to these injustices. We must stay angry. And we have. And we are doing something about it.
That is why I choose to remain in the United States.
