It happens to all of us, we lay down in our beds with the full intention to go to sleep, but then an arm reaches over us, pulls us in, followed by kisses and whispers of sweet nothings. Unfortunately, we can only think of one thing to say: I am not in the mood. Unfortunately a reaction such as this can spark tension between you and your partner. So how do you tell your significant other that you are really not in the mood without them feeling like a loser? Presented, are a list of suggestions you can take in order to let them down gently, but not hurt their feelings.
1. Find a sexy or fun alternative
You can please your partner without having sex. Perhaps they are in need of a full body massage, complete with a happy ending? Maybe you can cuddle, watch a movie, or play video games—anything to distract their mind from sex. Once they are focusing on another activity, you both won’t go to bed unsatisfied.
2. Give them another date and time
Okay, you should never schedule sex, but you can post pone it to an unknown date in the future. Instead of completely shutting your partner down, let them know that a sexier scenario will play out the next day or throughout the week. The anticipation of enacting a fantasy that both of you share, will hold them off a night or two.
3. Give them compliments
Do not just say “not tonight” or “maybe tomorrow” and then roll over and go to sleep. Let your partner know that you feel bad about not wanting sex because of what you will be missing out on. By doing this, you will let them know that there is nothing wrong with their sexual performance, the problem is really you. This will alleviate the discouragement that your partner may feel after you tell them you are not in the mood. Let them know that you need time to recuperate from a long day but are happy that they are so eager to please, and you are looking forward to it.
4. Talk to them
Always be honest with your partner and tell them exactly why you are not in the mood. But give details because all they hear is “no.” If you are tired, tell them why you are tired. If you are feeling stressed out, let them help you find out what is causing it. The point of being in a relationship is security. Making sure that you are okay should be a number one priority to your partner, not sex. If something is wrong, do not be embarrassed to say so because they will try to help.
